My wife made me write about Italy

From Drea: I found a bunch of pictures that Peter took in Italy. I thought they were lovely. I thought they would be more entertaining if you heard from Peter his thoughts on Italy. 

Here are things about Italy. 10 things, to be specific. 10 pictures, too. The pictures and the things are unrelated, though. And the things are effectively randomly ordered. It's a very post-modern and edgy article. Hip, or whatever the hip word for "hip" is right now.

Looking SE-ish from Montepulciano.

1) The Italians believe in claustrophobic showers. Well, they don't believe in them, as a deity or something, but they almost exclusively build them. Most of them are too narrow for me to have both elbows out simultaneously, which is only comical in hindsight (ironically, the showers are wide enough for hindsight, if you get my meaning). Also, the shower curtains like to slowly invade what little space you have. Maybe you don't mind the shower curtain sticking to your body, but you should. We invented civilization to prevent just such atrocities.

From the main square in Montepulciano. The reflection in the puddle mirrors the well and the deepness of my soul. Be thankful I am not on Instagram.

2) Many small businesses and cities grow to the right size and then stop. Given Italy's longer history, this makes sense. It's just a bit weird as an American to see places not try to capitalize on the popularity.

Looking towards Montalcino from Bagno Vignoni, both which you know all about so I won't bore you with reiteration.

3) Italy has some really specific laws about wine. For instance, a Brunello has to come from a small area within Tuscany, has to be 100% from a specific grape, has to love dogs, has to like long walks on the beach, blah, blah, blah. That's fine, so far as it goes, except that not every year yields a good Brunello. But they try.

A church at the foot of Montepulciano.

4) Everything is at least a little broken. Our phones could not pull data from their cell towers. Small, easily missed differences in floor height are common between rooms. Few windows have screens, despite the flies. Roads close due to mudslides and they just let nature retake them. Trains are frequently late. Dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria.

A vineyard in Tuscany. I really should have taken a picture of anything in Tuscany that was NOT a vineyard. It would've taken less time.

5) Italy is getting into the microbrewery scene, and it's kind of adorable how they don't quite get it. They pour beer incorrectly, they never pour enough, it's never cold enough, and several breweries focus on style over taste. I'm not sure they will ever really get a pub.

Gray clay, which is as geologically unique as it is boring: intensely. You may be wondering why I took a picture of it. Well, that makes two of us.

6) Montepulciano is a basically a walled incline. It's a "hill town" which is a romantic way of saying you must travel uphill everywhere. After you ascend a few hundred feet and a couple switchbacks, you find that the place you were walking to is closed today. Then it starts raining. It's so much fun.

I found the perfect castle to frame my wife.

7) Several places we stayed at had jasmine growing on trellises (trellii?). Every whif I got of that plant was refreshing. I hope I can make some grow back home.

Montalcino area as viewed by J.J. Abrams.

8) When Italians, really, Europeans in general, play pop music, they play anything labelled "pop" from the last 40 years. And they don't seem to mind. Maybe they think the crazy American tourists like it? Gah. One night I tried to sit peacefully and ignore "Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)" in a tiny, mom-n-pop restaurant. Made me want an orange mocha frappuccino so bad.

May or may not be a castle, I can't remember.

9) The Greeks pull you in and make you part of the goings-on, for better or for worse. If you are there, you are involved. The Italians, by contrast, kinda have their own thing and don't really invite you in. They generally let you in if you ask and make an effort, which is reasonable. Just different.

Down a random alley in Montalcino

10) Italians have two spoon sizes, and they're both wrong. One is too small to be of use for anything besides stirring a shallow cup of tea, and the other is too large to sensibly eat from. I try to understand cultural differences in context, to see and learn what makes people unique and interesting. But these spoons are ineffective at basically every major task. That's not a difference; that's a deficiency.